Yes. I’m going to continue on my soap box about change. It IS the new year. Everyone ok with that? 😊
Healthy changes aren’t just regarding food. Relationships actually rate higher on our bad health than food. Are you surprised?
Naturopathy has three pillars; relationships fall into mental well-being. Many of our other bad habits fall under relationships to some degree. Let’s look at an example.
“Jane” binges food when she is depressed. She feels unlovable because she is overweight. She fades into the background preferring not to be noticed. These things are all visible signs of past trauma. When we delve into “Jane’s” past we find that she has an absentee father who nicknamed her “Rolly” and teased her about her weight. Growing up she was teased and belittled by her father and the men in her life.
Our first step in dealing with past trauma is to determine what the trauma is. This sounds simple, but honestly it can be challenging. Many people push their trauma behind closed doors and lock them. They tell themselves that everything is ok and eventually they believe it. So, what trauma from your past is affecting your relationships with others today? What past trauma is making you sick today?
Time to pull out another journal. You might want to get a stack of these – all different colors – one for food, one for exercise, one for relationships… you know… this will be something repeated through out your health journey. What color did you choose?
Title: Past Trauma / Hurts
Don’t berate yourself or belittle yourself during this process. Again, these journals are just for you. Not something to share with others so be very open and honest with yourself. Take a deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth. Repeat. And again. Ok, I think we are ready to start. Write down past hurts. Don’t worry if some sound similar, or some are generic and others are very specific. Just open up and let the words come. You can write in a paragraph or bullet point them out – up to you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you started one way and finished another. No one will judge you. Remember, we are working towards getting healthy. You must face the bad and work your way through it to come through the dark to the light.
Again, this may be a process that takes you several days to get your basic traumas written down. Work until you are satisfied. As we work through your traumas you will find others to add to your list. This is a journey… not something with any type of time limit. Trust me, you will be working every day for the rest of your life to get healthier.
Every day before I go to bed, I look in my mental mirror. What did I do poorly today? What could I have done better? What frustrates me? What angers me? Why? What things do I still need to change about myself? I then reflect on what I have done well. How I have helped others. What I am grateful for. What makes me happy. What I like about myself. This self-reflection takes me about 30 minutes. I find it helps me move towards what I want in my life and stops me from complaining about the “bad” in my life.
Back to the process. Let’s start with something easy – not meaning it is easy to fix, but easy to deal with. Something that doesn’t create anxiety or cause deep pain. I am a firm believer that no one can fix you but you. You can listen to everyone’s advice, but YOU are the person that needs to do the work. YOU are the one that must choose to change. YOU are the one that has to let go. Are you ready?
Open your journal to a new page several pages in from your list. Title it with your trauma you are dealing with. We are going to practice “stream of consciousness” writing. This means that you will write whatever comes to mind until time is up. First step. Get your phone or a timer and set it for 30 minutes. Next, let’s breathe. Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of four, out through your mouth for a count of four. Repeat. And again. And again. Shake out your body. Are you ready? Think about the subject. Here are your questions to think about – why does this cause me trauma today? How does it affect me today? Why can’t I get past this? Now, start your timer, and don’t consider anything else, just write. Don’t worry about what you are writing. Even if it doesn’t seem to be related. Just write for 30 minutes. When you are done. Walk away. You are done for today. Do the same thing tomorrow. Don’t read what you write previously yet. Just write. Repeat for seven days. On day eight, open and read all you have written. If you are like me, you will want a highlighter to capture the important bits. And maybe a different colored one to capture the odd bits. Trust me they will be there. What did you learn? What stands out? Some people find this type of writing very addictive and continue the practice for a lifetime. Once they finish a book, they either store them or burn them.
Writing in this manner is almost like being your own psychologist. You are working through the trauma subconsciously and resolving things without realizing it. This is just step one.
Depending on what your trauma is, you may need to face it. Is it a fear of heights? A fear of falling? These things need to be carefully faced and safely recreated to work through them. And I don’t mean standing on the side of a cliff 2,000 feet up and stare off it – you will get there, if you want but we don’t start there. Nor does it mean, jumping out of a plane on day one. Baby steps – don’t leap – just take one small step forward. Take it slow. Do it with someone from your tribe. These “fears” aren’t the actual trauma, but they are things we need to manage to get to the trauma.
Example. My daughters won’t ever get in a helicopter. They are terrified the helicopter will crash and they will die. Neither of them has ever been in a helicopter. So, where is the trauma? Their father died when they were young – in a helicopter crash. How do you take baby steps to get over this fear? Walk around a helicopter, touch it. Watch a movie with a helicopter in it. Those are baby steps.
Trauma manifests in many different ways – stress, anxiety, depression, overeating, cancer, heart attacks, alcoholism. In order to get healthy, you must work your way through the traumas of your past, and not create more as you live your life.
Another nugget of wisdom for you. For every negative thought you have, speak three positive truths. Say them out loud (when you can) so that you hear yourself. This will change the way you speak to yourself internally. If you have negative internal self-talk, it will manifest negatively in your relationships. Grace. Forgiveness. Acceptance. We all need these from those around us, but even more so we need them from ourselves.
This is just a start. We will continue this discussion in a later post. Grow healthy – and happy!
Blessings – E