Our discussion today is on the FIGHT response. I want to share what causes it, how to recognize it, and how to resolve it. Remember that this is a personal journey. The things in your journal are honest and frank and at times may be very difficult to express. This is all part of the journey. In order to heal, you must first express and expel. Also remember, that this is a process. You will not remove all your trauma in one go. Be kind to yourself and don’t fret over slow beginnings. Many trauma responses will take years to overcome – this is a guide to starting that journey only.
Trauma can be defined as any event in your past that made a profound negative impact on you. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, anger, death, and loss, are only a few. Trauma that occurred as a child may seem silly as an adult, but if it has not been resolved, it continues to affect the adult. Things you may “know” are minor or silly, but you may still feel the response if not resolved. And there may be things that you have locked away so tightly that you don’t remember the event, but still have the response. What I am trying to say is this. Nothing is silly. Nothing is minor. Nothing can be brushed off and not resolved. And nothing is easy. This takes work on your part. BUT – the results will change your life for the good. Let’s get started!
The FIGHT response is one in which you feel that controlling situations and people will lead to acceptance, love, and safety. This occurs when a child doesn’t feel safe, accepted, or loved by their caregivers. It also occurs when a child feels abandoned by a parent or caregiver. Situations that can create a FIGHT response can include:
- When a child isn’t given healthy boundaries
- When a child is spoiled and given anything they want
- When a child is bullied or shamed
- When a child is verbally abused
- When a child is abandoned either physically or emotionally
Many adults with the FIGHT response are perfectionists, feeling that they must control every aspect of their lives and others to feel safe or to please others. Some will push others away unconsciously or distance themselves (for fear of being abandoned), causing them to feel that the person has abandoned them. They don’t see that they are the ones pushing others away. They fear isolation and being alone. A FIGHT response is triggered if things aren’t done to their satisfaction, to their precise requirements, and they become angry or enraged.
Examples of the FIGHT response include:
- The desire to hit something when displeased
- “temper tantrums”
- Angry crying
- Intense feelings of anger or rage
- Homicidal or suicidal feelings
- Bullying
- Narcissistic behavior
- Ignoring someone to control them
- Hateful comments
Managing the FIGHT response. Think before speaking. If this isn’t possible, stop and take deep breaths until you calm down. If this still doesn’t reduce the stress level enough to think clearly, find an activity that will drain the anger from the body – punching bag, running, swimming, etc. Realizing that you are in the FIGHT response is the first step, learning to manage it is the second, and resolving it is the third.
Many find several little tricks that may help manage the response. Tapping has been known to aid in reducing anger in teenage kids. This is a great article explaining the process. Journaling is also a good method of working through anger, pouring it out on paper releases it from the body. Another is a rubber band or hair band on the wrist, when the anger starts snap the band hard enough to jar the senses. This action makes the person stop and think before things get out of hand.
Resolving the FIGHT response. Figuring out what caused the initial trauma allows you to begin to take steps to unpack the trauma from an adult perspective and move beyond it. Journaling will aid you not only in discovering the initial trauma but also your triggers. Facing each and working through the why will allow you to resolve and move beyond it. Positive self-talk helps keep you in a positive mental attitude and lessens the chances of falling back into old habits.
The power of three. For every negative thought, counter with three positives. What are you good at? What do you like about yourself? What are some goals you have? They don’t have to be AMAZING things, just positive ones. The sun is shining. It’s beautiful outside. I like my eyes. I want to learn to rock climb. This helps to refocus your mind in a positive way and reduces the negative speak that your head has been trained to tell you.
I’m getting Angry. When you begin to feel anger rising – stop – consider what the trigger is for your anger can you resolve the issue without anger – use positive self-talk – try breathing exercises – exercise / activity helps calm the mind and draw stress out of the body. It takes time to retrain the brain away from negative self-talk and anger. Be patient with yourself – remind yourself that you are working towards your solution – be kind to yourself – remind yourself that you are doing better than before – you are taking positive steps forward.
Wishing you positive steps forward on your journey…
Blessings – E