Continuing our discussion on past trauma, this post is uncovering how you deal with those past traumas. Think about the things that you wrote down in your journal. How do you respond to the triggers?
I’ll start, my father was quite verbally abusive. He would get angry and spew hate. As an adult, I understand that comes from fear, lack of control, stress, and unhappiness. But as a child, it was damaging. I latched onto those words and they crumbled me from the inside out. I withdrew. When people started yelling and screaming – at me or others – I would freeze. I would go somewhere in my head and stay there until the trauma was over and I could reemerge. My trauma response is FREEZE.
Understand that you may have different trauma responses to different types of trauma. Let’s talk about each one.
The FIGHT response. This response is self-preservation – the desire to protect yourself from the threat makes you fight back. It allows you to feel powerful and in control – hurting those that hurt you. Samples of this response include:
- Impulsivity and hypersensitivity, such as immediately pushing someone away who touches you
- Physically defending yourself from a threat
- Glaring at someone or using a biting tone
- Shouting “No!” when someone doesn’t leave you alone
- Telling someone you weren’t responsible for something they blamed you for
- Trying to prove you are right or perpetuating an argument after it’s over
- Assigning yourself the role of leader, dictating the space you’re in
- Self-sabotage: starting fights with someone over insignificant or invented situations
The FLIGHT response. This response is an automatic physiological reaction to a stressful or frightening event. This response is panic, avoidance, isolation – to withdraw from others, agitation, constant movement. Samples of this response include:
- Running away from perceived danger such as loud bangs in public
- Leaning on perfectionism to avoid criticism
- Becoming a workaholic to distract yourself
- Positioning yourself to face the exit in a restaurant or other crowded room
- Difficulty focusing on anything but thoughts of the trigger
- Difficulty resting, relaxing the body, and falling asleep
- Hypervigilance and jumpiness
- Racing or obsessive thoughts
- Using substances such as drugs and alcohol to damper anxiety
The FREEZE response. This response disassociates the person from others. Detaching from the perceived threat and locking them away somewhere safe. This response can be compared to a deer in headlights that freezes or an animal that plays dead in the presence of a predator. The heart rate rises, breath speeds up, and the person may find themselves sitting in a safe space in their head. Samples of this response include:
- Difficulty expressing emotions, such as using a monotone voice
- Selective mutism or going non-verbal under stress
- Making choices becomes harder and you experience decision fatigue
- Brain fog: confusion, forgetfulness, attention issues
- Leaving conversations without clarity
- Depression and hibernation
- Struggling to make plans or stick to them
- Periods of inactivity
- Constantly daydreaming
- Not answering the phone and avoiding conversations about your needs
- Escaping reality through an addiction such as marijuana, alcohol, video games, or television
The FAWN response. This response is the “people pleaser,” the person who avoids conflict at all costs. Similar to a co-dependent relationship where one is doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking. Tunnel vision, placating, and serving others all are symptoms. Samples of the response include:
- Having a hard time saying “no”
- Over-apologizing or accepting blame for something you did not do
- Assuming you are responsible for others’ emotions
- Prioritizing someone over yourself, even abandoning your plans to be with them
- Lacking a sense of self or having a hard time describing yourself
- Changing your preferences such as personal style and hobbies to match someone else’s
- Flattering others
- Defending people who hurt you, and staying in toxic or abusive situations
- Choosing a career path to please family members
- Following commands without thinking about your wants
Which is your response? Do you have more than one? What trauma caused the response? What things trigger the response? Write these things in your journal. You will need to think on them. How do your trauma responses affect your day-to-day life? How do they affect your tribe? How do they affect your relationships?
Next post we will dive-in to the FIGHT response in more detail, followed by the others in each their own post.
The samples of trauma responses listed above are all found here: https://mountainside.com/blog/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn-our-natural-response-to-threats/
Blessings – E