I talk about your “tribe” quite a bit here and wanted to do a short post on what exactly a tribe is and how to find one. Many people have a HUUUUGE tribe all around them – family, friends, extended family, and even co-workers. And others don’t. They struggle to get close to others, to communicate and feel comfortable around other people. This post is for them.
I and many of my family members are on the autistic spectrum. Each of us is a bit different – a bit “off” when compared to society as a whole. Some just process information differently than others. Some are empathic and have challenges around other people. Some struggle so much that they prefer to be alone. Does this sound like you?
How do you find a tribe when you are challenged in this way? It is not easy. First, you need to understand why it is challenging for you to meet new people. Are you afraid you won’t be accepted? Do you struggle with nerves? Do you lose your tongue around new people? Are you hyper-shy? Are you empathic and feel emotions in large crowds and don’t know how to manage them? Do people surrounding you make you angry? Whatever your reason, you must first come to terms with it. Face that fear. Face that insecurity. Face that unknown. That takes time, commitment, and strength.
Where do I go to find my tribe? That is a difficult question to answer. I am always amazed at my mother; she can find a tribe member anywhere she goes. Seriously. She went to the store the other day to get seeds and spent a good chunk of time talking to a man about healing herbs and native American healing herbs. She lost all track of time. Others, find it hard to even make eye contact when they are out and about. They prefer to hide in the shadows not wanting to be seen. If your idea is to grow your tribe, you can’t hide. What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? What interests you? While you are doing these things look around you. Find someone that might seem interesting and start a conversation. There is no commitment here. You don’t have to become best friends. There is nothing that says you can’t walk away at any time if you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to give your name or your phone number, address and date of birth! Just say hi. See how it goes. You may not find a tribe member on day one or day 31 but somewhere, someplace you will. And if you look to make those small connections – let’s say – once a week, you will be surprised at how quickly your tribe will begin to grow.
Step out. Do something new. Do things that have always scared you (that aren’t dangerous, please!) but that have interest you. Make a list – start from the top or anywhere in between. Find someone that is comfortable doing what you want to learn to do and try. This will broaden your potential tribe. You will meet new people and may find a tribe member or two or three here.
Explore new places. Do you like traveling? Exploring? Adventuring? Antiquing? These are all great places to meet new people. I’ve met people while out hiking – many times. People get lost, ask questions, etc. Do the same!
Explore new activities. Have you ever wanted to learn to 2-step? Rock Climb? Kayak? Race cars? All things that will lead you to people.
Try new food. Check out a new restaurant. Don’t have food delivered to you. Try a cooking class at the college. Ask questions. Be curious. Engage.
You must get out of your comfort zone to build those new connections. But why are these connections so important? People challenge us. People care for us. People allow us to care for them. People need help. People change the way you look at things. People mean we are not alone. Loneliness leads to depression, stress and anxiety which are all horrible for our overall well-being. Let’s bring some life and joy back into your everyday existence. Bring health to your life.
Try one new thing – make one new connection this week. Trust me. It is worth it.
Blessings – E