In my last post, we talked about first steps to making a big change. Let’s break it down a bit more. Today I want to talk about healing. As you read my story, there was a lot of pain and grief involved in recognizing my internal trauma and then working to overcome it to live my life better. I want to impress upon you the importance of this.
We live our lives running from one thing to another. Chasing something intangible. More money? What good is money if you leave behind those you love? If you are too busy building your wealth to enjoy it with those around you? Being perfect? Why work so hard to do everything perfectly when we are built to make mistakes in order to learn? If you are perfect already, what are you here for? If you are afraid to make a mistake, how will you ever grow?
What are you truly chasing? And more importantly, is it really a race? The journey is where we all find ourselves. The journey IS our life. It is time to take a deep breath and make some decisions for your new year.
Grab a piece of paper – or better yet a journal – and a writing utensil. Fold the page in half, long side to long side. In the left column title it – I want. In the right column – Changes.
Let’s work on the left column first. Close your eyes and breathe in and out deeply for a count of four. Repeat three times. Shake out your hands. Wiggle your shoulders. Relax. Ready? What do you want your life to look like? What things are important to you? Don’t let money, time or anything else inhibit this list. We are talking perfect scenarios here. Be honest with yourself. Don’t chide yourself for an impossible dream. Don’t belittle yourself for a simple wish. Take your time. This list may take you several days to compile properly. Once you have finished it, I want you to number these things from most important to least important. Rewrite your list shuffling as you have them numbered.
Now, let’s work on the right column. Again, do your breathing exercise to calm your mind and body. What things in your life do you want to change? What things about yourself do you want to change? What things frustrate you and irritate you? Again, be honest. This exercise won’t work if you aren’t truly honest with yourself. Take your time. You will find that the external things you want to change are typically easier than the internal ones. Many people close off the things they don’t like to see in themselves – like putting on blinders. I am a firm believer in looking in the mirror daily and finding something new to improve upon internally. Once you finish, put them in their proper order – not the easiest – not the quickest – but by the thing you want to change the most.
First steps! Congratulations!!
Now how to work on them. I highly suggest that you put these two columns somewhere that you can regularly review them. You need to keep yourself on track.
Left Column first item. New sheet of paper or new page in your journal. How can you start working towards that goal? Just start writing. Don’t pay attention to whether the idea is good or bad, just write. When your hand starts to cramp, take a break. LOL! You will revisit this regularly. Some things you will cross off as not being feasible, others you will cross off as you do them. Every day is a step towards that goal. Sometimes days are a repetition. You are building up your endurance for bigger things. Just because you don’t see your progress doesn’t mean it isn’t there. A person doesn’t decide to run a marathon one day and start running 26 miles the next. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes endurance. Continue to review your lists and add new things to the list as you cross others off. If you get frustrated, breathe. Why are you frustrated? Did you jump too far ahead? Should you try another path? Positive self-talk and positive brainstorming. If you don’t see a different path, check in with your tribe and see what they suggest. Sometimes ideas from our closest trusted people spark something you didn’t think of in the past.
Right Column first item. Same scenario. Make your list. The right column things will be a bit more challenging to stay focused on. Things we hide from, or that scare us, are always more challenging. But those things are what create the character we want. These things allow us to be better parents, sisters, brothers, lovers, etc. They are just as important, if not more so, than the left column of items. Here you will need to have patience, love, and grace for yourself. This may be a new concept. If you have always been told you are not enough, you will be challenged to see yourself differently. You won’t likely be checking things off your list as quickly here. BUT when you do, you will feel spectacular!
As you begin working through left and right columns, you will add things and check things off. We are never done working on these two columns. Celebrate every item you check off. You are growing and healing. Some things you will find are much easier to cross off and others will be much more difficult. Healing internal trauma takes time – and grace – and patience – and love.
I wish you enough on your journey!
Blessings – E